Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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