i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize