david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
