I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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