I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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