I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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