Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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