She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
