with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
