I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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