when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
