I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
