Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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