u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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