Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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