apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
