Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
