things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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