its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
