in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
