so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
im having a threesome with these popsicles
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
