I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
