she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
