I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
