Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
