Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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