so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
