why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
