If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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