This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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