In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
