Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize