thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
