maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I understand Curling. That high.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
