Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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