If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
