watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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