i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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