hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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