You're my little dorito
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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