Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
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