I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
he told me I talked like a deaf person
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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