This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
you would pick up someone in the library
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
