My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
