gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Randomize
