i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
