i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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