Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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