Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
