he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
