After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
