I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
