I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
