No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
