I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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