I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
