A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
