I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
