no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
