So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
