Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
