I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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