bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
