i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
