So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
