i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
