he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
