If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
