haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
