I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
