i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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