this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
