Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
God I need to hump something, right now.
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